2 years

so this weekend marks the two year anniversary of when i left josh. i'm not quite where i thought i would be 2 years later, although i don't really know exactly where i thought i'd be. i can tell you that i thought he'd be more involved, i didn't think i'd still be living in the same tiny place i live in, but i don't want to leave my ward. i didn't think i'd be struggling with certain things and doing so well with others. most days i am pretty happy with my little world. most days i'm not too lonely, most days i don't feel sad that i'm not a relationship, and most days i feel like if that never happens i'll be ok. all that being said i don't want to be single and alone for the rest of my life. i loved being a wife, i love the idea of being a wife and hopefully some day, sooner rather than later ;), i get to be that for someone who loves me and will appreciate how much i enjoy taking care of others and being part of a team. i can honestly say i am happiest when i make others happy.
with father's day coming up tomorrow my thoughts are drawn to my dad. my dad(who legally is my step-dad) married my mom when he was 21, my mom was 26 and had a 7 year old and me i was almost two. i have felt so much love from him my entire life. he stepped in and made up for my "real" dad being out of the picture. i never felt like his step-daughter, i honestly don't think he's ever even called me that. i hope one day my girls are lucky enough to have a man in their lives like him.
just as a quick side note: how do you feel about long distance relationships?

Fat Friday #3

well this is going painfully slow, i went to the gym only two times this week, but i still managed to lose another pound woot woo!! How are you doing?

kim's gems

kimber, who is 7, says some of the wittiest, funniest, sassy-ist things i have ever heard. i want to record them somewhere. here are a couple from this week.

**tuesday night we were in our yard. i was on the phone and the girls were playin superheroes. kimber, being the oldest, was handing out super hero names. she told ellie her name was super tiny, to which ellie responded, "SUPO TINEE" kimber said " your power is: you turn grass into tiny grass" then maddy said "and i'm flower power" i told my friend on the phone " i think we just started a landscaping company"

**this morning, kimber was grumpy and sassy and we had been arguing a little bit (i don't want to hear about how i shouldn't be arguing with my 7 year old) so we got in the car and she looks at me and says "mom, why do you put makeup on every day? is it just to make me jealous?"

i'm pretty sad today

i don't know if anyone has some advice or an opinion on this matter, but i'm really struggling today and i need the help of friends. so today josh came over to do some work for me to pay off some of the child support he owes andi asked him if we could sit down and talk. i let him know that the girls really need him, that they cry for him almost every day, i suggested that we try to work out a way for him to be more involved, i offered to let him come stay at my house and use my car every other weekend and i would go to my mom's, i offered him to take my car one night a week to take them to the park, he's way behind in child support and i never say a word to him about it, that isn't what it is about. my girls need their dad, they need someone to teach them what love from a man looks like, they need him to protect them, they need him to be their dad. i told him all of these things and he told me he doesn't care how i feel, and i reminded him it isn't about how i feel it's about the girls and what they need, because if i got what i wanted he would be an amazing dad but i know he's not gonna do that because that's what history has shown me an dif he can't be a good dad here consistently i would rather he just check out completely. of course that was teh only thing he chose to hear and he told me that if that was what i wanted then that owuld be what i get, he told me not to call him anymore and he wasn't gonna come around, so of course now he gets to say that he's not coming around because of me. i don't know what to do, i am so worried that i won't be able to do and give and teach them everything they need, i can be the best mom in the world but that is no substitute for having a good dad. i can not be a mom and a dad, i don't know what to do, i don't know what to tell them when their dad dosn't come around and they wanna know why... today this feels like more than i can handle...

fat friday

so i suck, i didn't get to the gym this week, not even one time, i did however go to the zoo last saturday, i have been eating healthier and i cut out soda completely. i have to replace it with enough water, and i've been having light mango smoothies from jamba for breakfast everyday, i feel tons better but unfortunately only lost one pound. i guess this is good, that's the way i've been doing it for the last year, slow and steady and the weight has stayed off, so even though it looks as if i've plateaued, i can at least be grateful for not gaining. how did you do?

Poor Maddy

So we had our first trauma yesterday. As far as traumas go it was pretty minor. i got a call at work at 1:30 yesterday from kathy but ,missed it, theni get a text from my mom saying maddy split her head open and would likely need stitches... well i'm freaking a little at this point 'cause like i said, first trauma, i'm imagining the worst and prepping myself for something horrible, so i left work and went to pick her up. apparently kathy was filling up the pool and had the kids outside with her, they were waiting on the trampoline, maddy said it was wet i'm assuming to keep it cool, they had instructions not to jump, which i'm sure you can guess how well that went, so madds somehow smacked her head on the bar or spring or something...so we went to banner desert ER, we were there like 5 hours, i'll spare you the details but she ended up getting 4 stitches.

this was madds when i picked her up this was madds when we got to the ERthis was madds right before stitches

all doneat least she got a popsicle

fat friday

so, this is going to be kind of self depricating, how fun for everyone. i decided i need to be accountable to someone with this whole weight loss crap. so here is goes. i weighed in this morning and i weigh a disgusting 155 lbs, the grossest part is that i've lost some weight in the past year. so anyway, i'm finally well enough to go back to the gym, i've been three times since saturday and i'm swimming while i'm there to hopefully prevent another injury. i've been using the foam weights for resistance and feel like i'm getting a pretty good total body workout. so i'm going to weigh in on fat fridays and hopefully soon i'll be able to change it to thin thursdays, ha ha. you can join in if you want!

some random pictures

my cutie nephew tucker

the girls got cool summer cuts

ellie rockin' her goggles at our resort stay-cation


sandi and me at the suns game in april, the awesome necklace kimber gave me for mom's day

lydia

you should totally check these guys out
they have beautiful music

The June word

I totally stole this from my aunt heidi, but i had to share it.




The June word is STOP


Stop whining.
Stop blaming.
Stop denying your gifts.
Stop playing it safe.
Stop making excuses.

Stop doing anything that darkens your dreams.

Stop being anything that gets in the way of you being who you are.

Stop being with people who zap your spirit.

Stop going to places that you dread.

Stop being the parent you swore you'd never be.
STOP being the woman, man, friend, spouse, artist, boss, partner, co-worker you swore you'd never be.

If it hurts - stop.
Stop yourself before you've gone too far.

Stop letting people use you. Remember that "Use Me" is not a life motto. It's just a cool Bill Withers song.

Stop waiting for someone/anyone to give you the life you deserve. Give it to yourself.

Stop waiting for that ship to come in. Start swimming to it!

Stop wasting finite resources - food, paper, water, gas, money and your energy.

For at least 15 minutes every day - stop everything. Breathe.

Stop and smell the roses and lavender and cut grass and steaks on the grill and cinnamon rolls and fresh coffee and rain.

Stop saying YES when you really mean NO.

Find a mirror. Look into it and ask yourself, "What do I need to stop?" If there is a valid reason why stopping immediately won't work- START stopping. You are worth it.
Now... ready, set, STOP!