i don't even know what to call this

so i know that when we have an important decision to make we are supposed to pray about it. my understanding of this concept has always been that if you do this and then follow the promptings that you get, that you should benefit from that and things should go well. i know that i was supposed to leave and subsequently divorce josh, there is no doubt in my mind about that, but could someone please tell me why i don't feel any happier now than i did then. i was so lonely being married to a man who didn't love, cherish and respect me, who in fact went so far to do the exact opposite of those thing. it was so lonely being married to a man, who belittled me every day and when things too hard for him to handle he decided it would be ok to release his frustrations physically. I never thought i would feel that lonely again, but i find myself, nearly two years after i left him, wondering what's next. wondering why Heavenly Father would want me to feel lonely again. Maybe this is a test again, because if I'm honest with myself, as i'm writing this i realize if i make the Lord my "#1 man" i wont be lonely at all. i've been throwing a huge pity party for myself, saying how hard it is, but i have a job and a home and a car, i'm healthy, i have three beautiful, smart, funny girls. i live near my family, who by the way i love. i have the gospel, which i know is true. i've been complaining about how i don't have time for everything i need to do which means prayers and scriptures get ignored and again i have the realization that if i make those things a priority the Lord will bless me and help me be able to prioritize my time to be able to do all the things that i need to do.

what are you doing on january 31

you should be doing this

more things to be grateful for...

today i am especially grateful for my health, the health of my children, and by strong testimony of the gospel and the plan of salvation. on tuesday this sweet boy lost a short but courageous battle to cancer. he was so strong in his testimony through all the pain he was in. please pray for his family so they will be comforted in this times of sadness.

HOW?

How do i catch you up on the last several months. Too much has happened. Probably the biggest thing was as of Sept 3 I became officially divorced. Freedom! Josh never responded to divorce papers of anytime so the divorce went into default and I got everything I asked for. Right around that same time I ran into an old friend and after hanging out a few times we started dating, it got serious pretty fast, probably too fast and we decided yesterday to slow down and actually try to "start over" whatever that means, howerver you do that? He started taking the missionary discussions last month and has decided to be baptized on Dec 6. I am so proud of him, he is going to have some resistance from family and friends but he already has a good testimony, so i know he will be fine. I'm having mixed feelings about "starting over" for real....what does that mean...?
well since it's close to thanksgiving i decided to post things that i'm thankful for:
today i'm especially thankful for friends, my job, my sweet girls, my health, my home. what are you thankful for?

what!?!?

so i was bloghopping and found this little bit of lovliness and thought i should share it with you.




just a note to anybody thinking about getting a fake i.d.
no matter how much you love your girl you should leave her out of the i.d photo

your welcome

Maddy the Hairdresser

BEFORE:





AFTER:


Her schedule is pretty booked but if you need a half mullet i'm sure we could work you in.

minute with maddy

i just wanted to share a little conversation i had with maddy yesterday.

let me preface it be telling you that we went to robin's saturday for swimming and dinner and the kids played with each other for a few hours.

maddy: mom i have a boyfrind
me: excuse me
maddy: yeah tucker said i'm his boyfriend
me: tucker said you're his girlfriend
maddy: yes and he even kissed me
me: he kissed you? where?
maddy: just right here on the arm

help

could someone please tutor me on how not to have an ugly blog?

kimber's recital

Kimber had a recital on tuesday of this week. it was so cute and so fun and she did a wonderful job. Here's a few pictures from before the recital.




Here's some during the recital.





Here's a few from after!





I am so proud of her and what a beautiful girl she is turning into. She has such a sweet spirit and is a wonderful helper.

May 31st

Saturday was such a beautiful day. It was more amazing than i could have even imagined. i got to the Temple bright and early at 7:30. i had a few minutes to sit outside and soak it all in before my mom met me there. we went in and it was amazing. i just wanted to look around and take everything in. i didn't see a few people come in that i was expecting to be there and was kind of disappointed, but i had to remind myself that that wasn't why i was there and soon i was concentrating on other things anyways. there were a couple of moments for me that i had a hard time with. i was sitting by a girl getting her endowments because she's getting married next week and i suddenly found myself really sad. i guess i am just starting to get a little bit lonely. there was another part later on when certain promises were made that i just got so overwhelmed by, that i was literally sobbing, i haven't cried like that in a long time. when i got to the part where i could be with my family and friends it felt so good, and someone that i was hoping would be there and hadn't seen come in was actually there and really made my day nearly perfect. anyways it was obviously very beautiful and i am so glad that i made the decision to go. it was a little weird because it seemed like such an unattainable goal for so long and now i've done it, of course with a lot of help from other people some of whom didn't even know they were helping me.

ps: also of importance i filed my divorce papers may 22nd, and i got a phone call from josh today saying he was picking them up. he has 30 days from today to respond. i will keep you updated on how things go. please keep us in your prayers that things will go well, that whatever is best for the girls will happen, and that if it isn't what i want or think is best i will be able to accept and understand it.