Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Saturday, March 21, 2009


yay. guess who had a date tonight... that's right it was me... oh wait, it totally sucked balls. let me start at the beginning for you. so i joined an LDS dating site because i didn't know how else i was going to meet anyone, i've made a "connection" (whatever that means) with several good guys, one who i really like but he isn't ready for anything serious right now and i'm not positive that i am either so i decided to just go on dates, i thought maybe i should say yes to whoever asked, it's a good way to get to know people. so fast forward to this week i started talking to a guy we'll call nathan (cuz that's what he said his name was) we talked a little bit, i liked his pictures he liked ine ( i know the whole internet dating thing is silly and kind of weird) so we decided to hang out this weekend. thursday morning i told him i would know by the end of the day what night i could hang out and he said he was fine for either one. so thursday night i say, "what about tomorrow night" and he says "oh i can't" i say "oh, um, i thought you were free both nights" he says " well i made plans with my friends to go to the driving range but i'll cancel, i cant go out anyway (weirdo alert #1)" i say "huh? well don't cancel your plans, especially if you can't hang out" he says" it's ok just come to my house, we'll make dinner and watch a movie (sweet and romantic or weirdo alert #2) so i said ok and plans were made, well friday at work i'm of course telling all the girls i'm going on a date and showing his pictures off when i realize that the four pictures he has kind of look different from each other, and wait this guy is only 5'6" but whatev... so the end of the work day rolls around and i'm just not feeling all that jazzed up about going but like i said i wasn't going to turn down an offer for a night out, or in this case a night in. so i go to his house knock on the door, he opens it and i don't recognize the guy, i freaked a little but he clearly recognized me, so i just went inside. we get inside and i really don't know who this guy is, he has a cross eye, his hairs all a mess, he has no shoes on, sick(he looks nothing like the pictures from his profile) ... he says to me" go ahead and look and the fridge and decide what we should make for dinner" i'm thinking excuse the crap out of me... i tell him " oh no it's ok you go on ahead" so he tries to be all romantical and hold my hand. i'm like whoa buddy calm down there stallion, or in his case Shetland pony, the night got weirder and weirder and i was so uncomfortable, so i'm texting my heather, thank you girl... and thinking up ways to escape, he asks me what some of my pet peeves are, i say feet and lying, dishonesty really gets me. he's cooking and i'm eating and he's not so i start to get concerned that maybe he's slipped something into my food, finally he sits down and scarfs some food like a wild animal and pretty soon we're done. he says we can watch a movie or play strip poker. i say oh i don't know how to play poker, but i need to brush my teeth since we just ate, but i left my toothbrush out in the car, i'll be right back... so i went out to my car and took off like a bat out of hell... so mean i know but i didn't know what else to do...
question: why would someone use someone else's pictures for their profile, did he not think i'd catch on, and was it the meanest thing EVER or was i justified... ps when we walked into his house he locked the door behind me... creeper

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

peaceful words

first of all, just in case anyone is actually reading this, i want to say sorry for complaining so much lately. i know my life isn't that bad or that hard, there are just some days when it all seems likemore than i can handle, i know though that the Lord will NEVER give me more than i can handle and when i'm through this and have the chance to look back on it, i will be stronger and wiser.

i want to share a couple of scriptures that i have grown to love recently

"The trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing" James 1: 3-4

"My [daughter], peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all the foes. Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands" D&C 121: 7-9

Sunday, March 15, 2009

so ummm

well i wish i was one who had a cutesy blog with pictures and colors and silly anecdotes and what have you, but i don't have time for that. i think this has become more about something for me than anyone else. i am going through such a roller coaster of emotions and feelings lately. i am so busy and don't have the time to do all that i need and want to do. i feel like the girls are suffering because i don't have enough to give them. at the end of the day i find myself deciding which tasks can be pushed until tomorrow, choosing which one is the most pressing, our house is never as clean as it should be, our dinners are never as nice as they could be and our time together is never as fun and relaxing as it would be if i were able to stay at home and focus all my energy on keeping a home and raising my girls. sometimes i wonder why i got dealt this hand, why my girls got dealt this hand. i fall asleep nearly every night regretting the fact that i can spend such a limited amount of time with them, and even though i try to make the most out of the time i do have i continually fall short. i don't like to ask for help and it kills me that i can not do everything on my own. i have to rely on my mom to take kimber to school, and people in the ward to pick her up after school and keep her until i get off of work, i hate that the girls have to go to day care (although i am lucky to have someone who loves them so much), i hate that i can't fix everything for them and that as they grow up there will be things in their lives that they miss out on, there's a daddy daughter activity for church coming up and i am just hoping they don't catch on to it, i have begged their dad over and over to start having regular visitation with them and he wont do it, i hate that i can't "fix him" and make him be the dad they need, i just want him to be present and available for them, but he's not giving them what they need, i can only do and be so much, and i hate that... i guess i should try to focus on the good things that we have, it just get's hard when everyday is a challenge... what ideas do you have for keeping a sunny outlook?

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

What is love?

So in my marriage and family relations class i had to answer the question what is love and then i had to interview someone of the opposite sex and ask him the same question. This is what i submitted:

I interviewed a friend of mine. He is 26 and going through a divorce right now. I thought it would be interesting to get his view of love. This is what he had to say:
“Love is an abstract concept that is difficult to describe. There are many types of love. A person can love their child, a spouse, or a friend. Each has its own value and expectations. I'm assuming spousal love is the main interest for this assignment. Love for a spouse is a sense of comfort. Knowing that you would do anything for that person and wouldn't bat an eye in doing so. Love is knowing their flaws and accepting them as "who they are." Also, love is wanting to correct your flaws to help your spouse. Love is the ability to find compromise and commitment toward a person. There is no encompassing answer for what love is. Each person will answer differently. However, I think the bottom line is a feeling of peace when you think about or spend time with that person. Spousal love is the most difficult of all love to find but can potentially be the most rewarding.”
I took the time to answer this question for myself before talking to him and this is what I came up with:
“I think love is giving your energy to someone else, to at times be willing to put your own needs aside knowing that when you are in love you will get that same thing in return. Love is attraction, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Love is not wanting to spend the rest of your life without that person.”
I was actually surprised at how similar our views on live were and are. I think it has something to do with us being the same age, both getting married so young and being hurt by the other person. I think that our view of love is a portrayal of what we are hoping for in our next relationship.

This assignment got me wondering what other people think about love... Let me know