Saturday, June 13, 2009

i'm pretty sad today

i don't know if anyone has some advice or an opinion on this matter, but i'm really struggling today and i need the help of friends. so today josh came over to do some work for me to pay off some of the child support he owes andi asked him if we could sit down and talk. i let him know that the girls really need him, that they cry for him almost every day, i suggested that we try to work out a way for him to be more involved, i offered to let him come stay at my house and use my car every other weekend and i would go to my mom's, i offered him to take my car one night a week to take them to the park, he's way behind in child support and i never say a word to him about it, that isn't what it is about. my girls need their dad, they need someone to teach them what love from a man looks like, they need him to protect them, they need him to be their dad. i told him all of these things and he told me he doesn't care how i feel, and i reminded him it isn't about how i feel it's about the girls and what they need, because if i got what i wanted he would be an amazing dad but i know he's not gonna do that because that's what history has shown me an dif he can't be a good dad here consistently i would rather he just check out completely. of course that was teh only thing he chose to hear and he told me that if that was what i wanted then that owuld be what i get, he told me not to call him anymore and he wasn't gonna come around, so of course now he gets to say that he's not coming around because of me. i don't know what to do, i am so worried that i won't be able to do and give and teach them everything they need, i can be the best mom in the world but that is no substitute for having a good dad. i can not be a mom and a dad, i don't know what to do, i don't know what to tell them when their dad dosn't come around and they wanna know why... today this feels like more than i can handle...

4 comments:

the MomBabe said...

I'm sorry. That totally sucks.

Karen said...

oh honey, I'm sorry. I have one of those too. Luckily for me, he lives in VA. If you ever need to vent just let me know...

Marisa Le'rin Salas said...

like i told you the other day cousin, you can do this, they are better off not having him around for the person that he chooses to be. And because of your strength, and dedication they will become wonderful women.

Jeanne said...

wow - I am juat a person reading your blog - I am a single mom too - my daughter is 16 now - her dad and I split when she was 7. I also dealt with him disappearing, blaming, and basically checking out all together. He just didnt having much to give (financially or emotionally). It finally came down to the brutal fact that he wasn't really going to be that involved. I told her - Look - I'm the "Main dish" and your dad is a "side dish". He's like a nice salad - good when it's there - but you don't need it to make the meal a real meal. I'm Lasagne. Ive got meat, noodles and sauce and cheese! this always made her laugh...teaching her that I was going to see us through this did alot for her and for me...and when he came around... bonus, salad tonight. If not - she was still well fed.